


Hold on to what you believe (Prologue)

by EnforcerofTyrestsAft (orphan_account)



Series: Sht i need to finish [4]
Category: The Transformers (IDW Generation One), Transformers - All Media Types
Genre: Adventure awaits, Character Study, Eventual Happy Ending, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Rodimus is going on a quest of his own to find Rung and bring him home, Rung bb they did you dirty, Self Confidence Issues, This is the fic...where I only take parts of canon and bs the rest, its basically a fix-it fic, no beta we die like men
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-06-17
Updated: 2020-07-14
Packaged: 2021-03-04 06:07:36
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 10,538
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24778885
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/EnforcerofTyrestsAft
Summary: Rodimus jolted when the door opened, almost getting whiplash from how fast he turned his helm. The speedster could not will himself to get off of where he was seated; but that didn't stop the individual from entering the room. They had a mech-like silhouette, only reaching the speedsters chassis if Rodimus were to stand."I found you." The mech spoke, voice slightly garbled as if struggling to speak.(In which Rodimus sent on a quest by the very person he needs to find)(This fic was inspired by https://vltone.tumblr.com/post/610987608610357248)
Relationships: Drift | Deadlock/Ratchet/Rodimus | Rodimus Prime, OC/OC, at some point - Relationship
Series: Sht i need to finish [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1903417
Comments: 22
Kudos: 49





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I don't really know the update schedule for this fic, but maybe Tuesday? Don't hold me to it thought.
> 
> If you see any spelling errors, pls tell me ;;
> 
> Hope you guys enjoy!

Daycycles had begun to get harder to get up for, something Rodimus wasn’t all that sure when it had started. But they were. It was difficult to online his optics to greet walls that weren’t his, on a ship that wasn’t his. With crew members that he didn’t all the way know, with a captain that he still resented just a touch. 

Rodimus felt his engine turn over in his chassis, making an odd sound, before he curled up a little bit more on his berth. It was comfortable, nice even, but it didn’t stop the fact that has was due to the ships’ engine room for his shift in a joor. Usually, Magnus or Megatron would be banging on his door right now, or Drift would have already put in the code to rub his spoiler or tickle his sides until he pushed him away. But Magnus was working under Prowl, Drift and Ratchet were still in their happy-ending helmspace, and Megatron was...most likely dead at this point. 

Rodimus remembered Thunderclash coming up to him on his lab shift one cycle, when Cygnus was teaching him some easy ‘magic’, when this big ol’ color disaster himself pulled Rodimus aside and into an empty hallway to tell him the news. It had apparently been a grand event, from what he was told. 

Exgen bottles popping and everything.

It had made Rodimus want to purge, but he had pulled on a cocky grin and laughed. What the old slagger deserved, Rodimus had claimed, even as Thunderclash had attempted to console him. It was what everyone, including him, wanted in the beginning. 

But Megatron had made him care, just like he had made Ultra Magnus care. Optimus too. Rodimus had quickly excused himself from the conversation after that, going back to Cygnus’ side. The silver and blue mech had given him a look, the ones that an older sibling might give, before softly showing Rodimus what to mix to create a faux explosion for a distraction. 

Cygnus was a sweet mech, and his alt-mode, a nitro-leopard, was especially cute. Not that he told Cyg that, but he had a feeling the mech already knew it. 

After that, Rodimus didn’t do much thinking after that.

And when he did think, it was what he wanted to order when he got to the bar.

He was grateful that there was a bar on the ship now, Thunderclash obviously getting the idea from Swerves’ and Vistages’, it was an easy distraction. Something to focus on other than his thoughts. 

Sighing as an alarm went off in his helm, making Rodimus groan and sluggishly get up from berth. It was an effort, but he did it all the same. Giving a yawn, Rodimus swung his legs off the berth and made his way down to the wash-racks for a quick spray down.

While Stormwaver wouldn’t scold him for being late, he’d rather not have the helicopter give him a stern disapproving look that reminded him too much of Magnus. Thankfully for him, the wash-racks weren’t too full and he grabbed one of the stalls near the door. 

Allowing the warm solvent run down his frame, Rodimus smiled a bit when he got a comm message from Cygnus, a simple kitty face with a question mark at the end. So he would be sharing a shift with the nitro-leopard, that was good. Cyg wouldn’t have messaged him so early in the daycycle otherwise. 

Rodimus sent him a smile back, which caused his internal comm to go off. Accepting the call, Rodimus snorted when he heard Cyg give a mumbled whine. “Why Stormwaver wants anyone up this early is beyond me. Has he never heard of sleeping in?” Cygs’ voice purred over the comm, full of ‘I’m too tired to be dealing with this right now’ in his tone. Rodimus felt his smile grow at that as he flicked his spoiler to get the solvent underneath it; before getting some unknown grime from his thigh off. 

“You know Storm doesn’t sleep. He loves the engine too much to do that. And you do too, seeing as I usually find you sleeping on top of it when you’re on your break.” Cygnus huffed at that, definitely giving his tail a flick of annoyance. “Not holding back I see. Anyways you might wanna hurry out of the washracks if you want any fuel. Stormwavers’ gonna be running us through the ringer if the look on his face says anything.” 

WIncing, Rodimus hurried his pace and went through the plating-dryer quickly. 

He knew he was leaving a trail behind him as he made his way to the rec room, soft laughter in his audual as Cygnus possibly heard his scrambling. “Oh, stuff it. Like you haven’t missed a shift before.” Rodimus mumbled, turning off the comm when he spotted Cygnus outside the rec room with a cube in each servo. “Yeah, but mecha seem more annoyed when you do it for some reason. It's weird, not gonna lie.” Cygnus said, face pinched.

“That’s because you don’t have Primes on Eurekas, Cyg. I’m supposed to set a good example.” Rodimus mumbled, happily taking the cube the other handed him. The nitro-leopard tilted his helm a bit, before nodding. “Yeah, but you’re more than some prime you know. Even if you’re and ex one, I thought they’d at least cut you some slack by now.” 

Shaking his helm at that, Rodimus drained the cube quickly as the two set off for the engine room. “Even if you carry the Matrix once, people will have expectations for you for the rest of your natural functioning. Trust me on that.”

* * *

* * *

Rodimus was surprised when Stormwaver didn't chew Cygnus and him out when they walked into the engine room, only casting them a Look, before flicking his helm to a set of monitors and then turned his back to them.

"I heard Comet Tail gave him a hard time last night." Cygnus whispered as they did as they were told. "Something about his Amica. At least that's what the mecha in the rec room were gossiping about." Rodimus raised a brow at that as he read what was on his monitor, before getting to work. "I thought you were too good for gossip." Rodimus replied in a hushed tone. Cyg gave a soft snort at that. "Says you. My hab is pretty close to theirs, and I can tell you one thing." Cygnus looked over his shoulder at Stormwaver, before smirking at Rodimus. "They were fighting about how they were gonna celebrate the amicaship. It was pretty wholesome despite the yelling." 

Rodimus held in a laugh at that, as the mech beside him gave a happy purr. 

The two lapsed into a comfortable silence, something Rodimus was grateful for. 

The engine was running fine, no doubt about that, but after their last jetson into helping a ship that had some battle damage, the speedster could see that they might find themselves repairing the inner fans once they found a safe place to dock.

Also maybe he could talk Stormwaver into finally upgrading the outer-fans since it was in sure need of it. 

Maybe. Possibly. 

Rodimus held in a sigh, wishing time would go faster even though he had just gotten here. Cygnus was all serious when he got focused on something, a tail swish here and there much like how Rodimus' inter chronometer worked. 

He was happy to at least had made one new friend, and that said friend didn't expect much out of him. Or maybe that was Cygnus' default setting, believing in the best of everyone. Like someone else he used to know.

Rodimus twitched at the thought of a certain grumpy medic, who shared no qualities with the nitro-leopard beside him. 

Letting out a sigh before resuming his work, Rodimus allowed his thoughts to trail. While he missed the Lost Light, and how much of an aft Prowl was for taking her, he guessed Thunderclashs' ship wasn't so bad. He was one of the mechs', not special but not remarkable either, despite what Thunderclash thought. 

He was comfortable here, even if each new mission could be repetitive, each ship just like the last; at least here no one expected something from him. 

Rodimus didn't know if he liked that or not.

He missed his family, yeah, but maybe this was for the best. Everyone got their happy ending. And so did he. Forever adventures. Rescuing Mecha, organics. Having a drink at the bar. 

Primus, he sounded a little pathetic. 

Rodimus frowned, thinking back on arms around his waist and careful servos on his face. Of whispered promises. But that wasn't what he had needed. He couldn't give that to either Drift or Ratchet. 

It wasn't something he liked to think upon, his rejection of Drift's invitation to he and Ratchet's relationship. Or of Ratchet gruffly asking if he had a place to stay after everything. 'We have an extra room in our apartment if you're interested.' the medic had said, something in his optics suggesting more than just a room. Rodimus had felt like his spark was going to pop out of his chassis and strangle him when he had softly rejected the two on their offer. It was wonderful, the look in their optics and with their open arms and forgiveness. 

But it had felt cheap for him.

Not Ratchet or Drift, (Not them, never them), but for Rodimus it felt wrong. He was intruding on something good, like something he wasn’t allowed to have. 

To have arms wrap him up in warmth and love.

To be looked at, to be seen for his flaws and not be judged.

Rodimus took in a shaky breath and focused back on the monitor. There was no reason for him to focus on his shortcomings right now. Drift and Ratchet were safe and far away from him. There were no missions to separate them, or his impulsive decisions to make them second guess what they had tried to give him. He could feel Cygnus glancing at him every now and again, his worried EM field prodding his gently until Rodimus pulsed back at him. 

There was no need to worry his friend, seeing as that usually did no good. Still Cygnus gave a happy pulse back and lightly hip-checked him before going back to his monitor. The nitro-leopard was good at reading into these sort of things, especially when he thought Rodimus needed to get out his feelings. 

‘I know I’m not any better, but you can’t just leave your emotions to fester ya know.’ Cygnus had told him as they watched the season finale of As The Kitchen Sinks. 

It had been the same thing he had heard before. Or at least something similar to it. Rodimus didn’t focus on it for long, seeing as any time he focused on talking about feelings, or when someone would gently inquire about his well being, (usually mental wellbeing), it was like his processor stalled and a blip of orange would enter his optical feed.

Like a data-ghost trying to appear or something. It was weird.

Derma twitching, Rodimus shook his helm again and finally managed to push thoughts far away and dive back into his work, Thoughts could wait until his break.

* * *

* * *

Deflecting conversations he didn’t want to have must have come from watching Optimus. Or maybe that was a skill the Matrix gave you. Rodimus had told Cygnus that he was going to lay down until his night shift, to which the nitro-leopard had tried to prod him on the cocktail of emotions that had slipped out onto his field on their shift.

It wasn’t something Rodimus wanted to talk about. Because if he talked about how Drift’s disappointed look had made him almost agree to live with them, to Ratchet’s quickly hardened gaze when Rodimus had started making excuses and backing out the door behind him. To escape the feelings he knew he didn’t deserve. 

Not yet. Maybe one day, but not yet.

Of course, seeing a lost case, Cygnus had just leveled the speedster a look that had rivaled Ravages when they took Megatron away. The same one the panther had given Prowl until Soundwave had stepped in and had pulled the mechanimal into a tight hug. 

Still, the other had wished him a good rest and let it be, promising to get him a cube when Rodimus woke up.

Nodding him off, Rodimus made his way to his hab and flopped on the berth as soon as the door had closed behind him.

Frame sagging into the berth below him, Rodimus offlined his optics and let out a sigh. The only good part of the morning was that Thunderclash had the decency to leave him alone and only ask about his day when it was his shift on the bridge. And while his irritation at the bigger mech had lessened since the Lost Light, Rodimus still didn’t like him. And wasn’t sure if he ever would like the other. But that was fine, seeing as Thunderclash really didn’t need everyone all over him at all points.

At least that was what Rodimus thought.

Which was totally justified, and not biased at all.

Groaning, the speedster melted a little bit more and tried to cycle his processor down until he had to get up once more. It was usually easier when he had a few drinks in his system, but recently there had been a voice gently telling him that drowning his problems wasn’t the solution to his recharge problems. That maybe he should see a medic and discuss other ways to help him recharge easy. 

And yep, there was that flash of orange again. Hooray.

But all the same he finally felt his frame relax and his processor shutter before he fell in recharge. 

Only to feel himself start to fall. It wasn't pleasant at all. He couldn’t fly, just fall and fall and fall. He saw stars erupt around him; the cold tempature of space enveloping him. Rodimus stretched out his arms and felt around for something to hold onto. Anything. But he continued to spiral down, down, down. Soon the feeling of falling gradually turned into floating. 

And as far as the speedster knew, floating was better than falling endlessly. 

His spark slowly rotated in it's chamber, knocking against it as if trying to break free. 

Rodimus was reminded of when the Lost Light had woken up on that planet. When they all thought they had died and a sudden feeling of dread made him want to purge. Was he dying right now? Would his spark be sucked up into the giant Matrix with the others? But no, his spark simply swirled until Rodimus felt it suddenly go still. He felt his hopelessness fade off into nothing, and the dead space start to glow.

Jolting a bit, Rodimus held in a yelp when he tumbled in the bright whiteness. He felt his pedes touch an invisible floor, and looked around. 

There was nothing. Just the blinding whiteness that surrounded him. Engulfing him. It was claustrophobic in a sense, but it quickly receded and Rodimus could begin to make something out of it. 

It was a room, much like the room on the Lost Light with all those Matrixcies. There were even all those tiny ships on the shelves, as well as a few datapads scattered about. There were no Matrixs' to be found, however, but…

Rodimus jolted when the door opened, almost getting whiplash from how fast he turned his helm. The speedster could not will himself to get off of where he was seated; but that didn't stop the individual from entering the room. They had a mech-like silhouette, only reaching the speedsters chassis if Rodimus were to stand. 

"I found you." The mech spoke, voice slightly garbled as if struggling to speak. Rodimus raised a brow as the mech sat down across from him. 

"You found me?" Was Rodimus' questioning reply. The mech nodded, slowly but surely coming into view. It was like his entire frame was distorted by tinted glass. Frag, he was probably the embodiment of looking through tinted glass. Still, the mech nodded all the same as his frame took on an orange tinge. 

"Yes. I found you. After all this time." The voice said, still a little struggle and clipped. "It's good to see you in good health, Captain." 

Rodimus frowned at that. 

"I'm not a Captain..Co-Captian anymore. You must have the wrong mech." Rodimus said, crossing his arms. 

The mech shook his helm, and for a moment Rodimus thought he could see a flash of a familiar smile across his face. 

"Right, yes. But it is still good to see you." The mech shifted a bit, becoming no more clearer. "But I would hope you would want to become one again." 

Rodimus frowned deeply.

"I'm not a good one, and I'm sorry you fell for whoever told you that. You got the wrong mech." Rodimus said, optics narrowing just a tiny bit. The mech seemed to find this amusing somehow, as his smile grew. "No." He started. "You were a good one. You protected those under your care as best you could. I saw it, and so did the ones under you. The ones beside you. Even the ones who disliked you." 

Rodimus' thoughts flashed to Getaway briefly, before he scoffed. 

"Whatever. Who are you anyways?" He asked, leaning in a bit. 

The mech wilted at this, becoming a touch more distorted, before giving a nod. "I was hoping you'd remember." He whispered under his breath, before straightening up. "I have a mission for you, Rodimus. Or another quest if you'd like to consider it that." Rodimus perked up a bit at that. 

"A quest? About what? And you still haven't told me your name." Rodimus said, pouting. The mech shrugged at this. "People usually get it wrong or don't remember it. It's fine with me, seeing as I'm used to it. But you may call me a friend, if you will." 

Rodimus sighed, nodding before flapping his servo. 

"Well, don't keep me in suspense. What quest?" The mech let out a small laugh at this. "You want to go on it, despite not thinking you're a good captian?" Rodimus nodded, pout forming back on his lips. 

"To be honest, this has been one of the most interesting things to happen to me in a while. But I have one rule to this quest." The mech nodded for him to continue. 

Taking in a breath, Rodimus spoke. "I go alone. I'm not loosing anyone else, and I don't have anything to loose at this point." The mech paused, before slowly nodding. Rodimus gave a sharp nod in reply.

"Good. Now tell me." 

The mech gave another unseeable smile. 

"Find me."

Raising a brow, Rodimus tried to say something, but felt himself being pulled back by a sharp ringing in his audial. "Wait! What do you mean by 'find' you!?" He managed to shout, before Rodimus was pulled back into the land of the living. 

Flailing a bit, Rodimus toppled off of the side of his berth and into a heap on the ground below. Stopping the alarm going off in his helm, Rodimus took in a breath of air and exhaled slowly.

"What the frag?" 


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I really wanted to write Trailcutter in, so I hope I wrote his and Rod's interaction well ;;
> 
> Hope you guys enjoy!

The dream bothered Rodimus for the next few days, a new one every time he went to lay down and always ending in a 'Find me.' from the glowing mech. And the worst part was, Rodimus couldn't find it in himself to be annoyed with them. 

At best, they just made him more confused. And the part where any time he saw a flash of orange, he was swiveling his helm to get a better look; something that was missed by the few friends he had on the Vis Vitalis. 

Laying with his helm on one of the tables in the rec room, mid-grade abandoned beside it, Rodimus huffed. 

He huffed again when he felt a servo stroke his lower back. And Rodimus hated himself when his processor instantly went to Drift.

Turning his helm, he managed a smile when he saw Blacklight beside with an uneasy smile. "Bad night?" They asked, quickly taking their clawed servo away and reached for the rest of his mid grade. Snorting at that, Rodimus shrugged his spoiler. "Not sure. Just weird purges that leave me feeling well rested." He replied, watching as the small jet finished up the rest of his energon. 

He watched as the jets' bat-like wings wiggle a bit before settling back down. 

"You should probably talk to Echo 'bout that." Blacklight said as they licked their seems and flashed him a small fanged grin. "She hasn't seen you in a while, and I think she misses her favorite hangover." 

Rodimus leaned up and placed a servo on his chassis.

"Ouch. Always right where it hurts with you, Batty?" Blacklight rolled their optics at that, before flicking him on the forehelm. 

"Seriously, talk to her. You've been acting weirder than usual recently, Rodimus. And I'm not the only who's worried." The speedster rubbed the spot they had flicked him with a pout on his lips. Blacklight set the cube down and got up, stretching a bit. 

"And your off shift today, starting now. Consider it a thanks for your fuel!" Blacklight said before they quickly left before Rodimus could object. 

"People are gonna keep up the rumors you're a siponer if you say that!" He called after them, a little bit annoyed the jet had the power to take him off shift; even if they could talk Dialdown into it. 

Watching as they flipped him off before completely leaving, Rodimus stayed in his seat for a moment. 

His frame felt weak for a moment, he felt his spark churning in it's spark caseing and throat tubing tighten. 

Still, Rodimus rose to his pedes and made his way back to his hab. He knew Echo would track him down and drag him by the spoiler like Ratchet did if he didn't show up; but right now he needed to get to the bottom of things. 

The pressure in his chassis didn't stop until he was laying on his stomach on his berth. It receded away with some time, and Rodimus went off on what that could have been about. He wasn't that old to have spark-burn, but it wasn't like that meant anything to his frame. Maybe he had picked something up from a planet he landed on and it's just now starting to act up? Shaking his helm, Rodimus shuttered his optics closed and nudged his processor into recharge. 

* * *

* * *

Blue.

A pale blue. Blue was all Rodimus could see from the sky to the ground. But the blue wasn’t totally textureless. The ground reminded Rodimus of grass from organic planets, it clinging onto his pedes and he willed himself further. 

But with every step he took, Rodimus felt himself sink into the ground below. It would have been a cause for concern on his part; but the calmness that washed over his spark was welcoming until he felt something clamp down onto his shoulder and tug him upwards. Letting out a yelp, the speedster wiggled in the grip that held him until a warm laugh filled his audials. 

Quickly turning around to face who had made the laugh, Rodimus could only gape as Trailcutter smiled at him. 

“Been a while, Rodimus.” He said, patting the shoulder he had grabbed and let his servo fall to his side. 

Rodimus parted his lips to speak, closing them once, before quickly clearing his throat.

“Hey.” He finally got out, lips trying to twist into a smile. Rodimus flickered his optics a few times, before Trailcutter was patting his shoulder again. “Yeah, I know. He said you’d be pretty shocked to see me after everything, but I didn’t expect you of all mecha to be at a loss for words!” Trailcutter chortaled, before grabbing the speedsters servo and started to tug him along.

“Where are we?” Rodimus whispered, not taking his optics off the other in fear of him disappearing.

“Dunno. But there are a bunch of us wandering around this place.” Trailcutter said with a shrug.

“I was kinda floating in the darkness for a while, but this mech, I dunno his name, came and got me out. I think it was the same way for Pipes, Skids, and Ambulon too. Now we all sorta just live here.” Here didn’t exactly tell Rodimus anything, but he started to shrink in on himself as Trailcutter grinned back at him. 

“I’m sorry.” That wasn’t supposed to come out as weak as it did. Rodimus felt himself pale as Trailcutter stopped in his tracks, before turning around to face him. But where the speedster expected to see anger or annoyance, Trailcutter gave another shrug with that soft smile of his never fading. “You didn’t kill me, Rodimus.” Trailcutter began and he pulled the speedster closer. “What happened, happened. I knew what I was getting into when I went on the Lost Light, and I never regretted it. I had a new purpose, even if I was getting drunk on my aft half the time; I had fun.” Trailcutter turned back around and started to walk once more. “I met new friends, met Megatron and didn’t immediately get offlined, and met up with old and new friends.” The other mech trailed off as they got closer to a field of...flowers. 

“Are we on the Necroworld?” Rodimus asked as he looked at the ground where the familiar blue flowers started to form. 

Trailcutter hummed, before letting go of the speedsters’ servo. “Looks like it.” He said, turning to the side and allowed Rodimus to see why they had stopped. The mech, the one who had plagued his dreams for a while was sitting amongst the flowers. 

“Rodimus.” turning his helm, Rodimus made a noise as he was enveloped in a hug. “Thank you. I know you expected me to be angry or something, but I’m not. Slag happens, when does it stop, but being on the Lost Light was one of the highlights of my life.” Trailcutter said, pulling away a bit. 

“How do I know you’re just not my subconscious telling me what I want to hear?” Rodimus said. Trailcutter gave a heavy snort at that. “Me? Any part of your conscious? That’s an accident waiting to happen and you know it, mech.” That got a small smile out of the speedster as the other pulled away fully and lightly pushed him towards the mech in the flowers. 

“Trailcutter….thank you.” Rodimus whispered, still unwilling to let the other out of his sight. Trailcutter let out a small gasp when Rodimus pulled him back into his arms, before squeezing him back a little and giving his back-plates a pat. 

“I never thought seeing me would garner this kind of response, but thank you for the journey, Captain.” 

Rodimus held back, letting his friend go. “See you on the other side some day, Rodimus. It’s best not to keep that guy waiting, even if he rarely gets mad.” Trailcutter, looking as if he was holding back as well, but instead gave him a warm smile. 

Rodimus turned around to face the mech in the field, before pressing forward. Every step he took felt lighter than the last; until he was only standing a few feet away from him. 

The mech still had that almost blinding glow to him, no defining features appearing even as the speedster finally took a seat beside him.

“So, why the Necroworld?” He asked after a moment of silence, turning to face the other. 

The mech hummed, looking up from the data-pad in his lap. “I’ve always found it calming here. No suffering, no fear. Mortalis did a good thing here, that it can’t help but bring a sense of peace to my processor.” The mech replied, voice almost but a whisper as the data-pad disappeared from his lap and his attention was all on the speedster.

Rodimus managed not to flinch at that, turning his own attention to his servos. “So, are you like, one of the 13 or something? Because I wasn’t kidding when I said I’d fight one of you.” He joked, biting his bottom derma gently. The mech gave a small laugh at that, the sound not unlike the kind a tinkling bell would have made. “Oh, you have fought me a few times, in different time-lines. And in those few I did deserve it.” Rodimus looked up in surprise, and the mech laughed once more. “And to answer your question, I’m not one of the 13 Primes per se. A part of one, yes, but not them entirely.” 

Rodimus slowly nodded at that. “So, like a demigod?” He inquired. “Oh no, more like an avatar. I represent a small part of a whole picture. But the mech I represent cares about you very much. Or at least another avatar of him does.” The mech said, the orange glow dimming a bit. That had the speedster raise a brow. “Another avatar….huh.” Rodimus paused for a moment. “Well, what do I call you then? You said others forget your name all the time, always the same thing and this” Rodimus guestered a servo to the blue sky and flowers. “I always wake up before you can even give me a clue.” 

Rodimus planted one servo on the flowers, before using the other to point at the mech in question.

“At least give me something to call you if you can’t tell me your real name. Even a glyph is fine with me. Or do you expect me to call you flowers?” Rodimus ended, pointing down at the ground with an exasperated expression. “And I’m not gonna call you Avatar, then I’ll just think of those weird blue organics.” 

The mech was sullen in almost an instant.

Rodimus was sure the dream was about to end when he became like that, until he heard the faintest of murmurs reach his audials. 

“Most people get my name wrong, but I suppose in regards to flowers, you could call me Rosemary.” 

The mech, Rosemary, then gave him a wave. “And as always; if there is anyone who can find me, it would be you.” 

Rodimus was about to reply, but as soon as he parted his lips, he was jolting up off the berth. “Frag.” He whispered, drawing his knees to his chassis. “Frag.” He breathed out, spoiler drooping down toward the berth. “Fraggit, Rosemary.” Rodimus bit his lip as he willed his spark to calm down. 

After a few moments of breathing in and out, the speedster got off of his berth and started to pace. “At least I kinda know his name…” he mumbled to himself, before leaning on the wall. “But where in Primus’ name does he expect me to find him?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Rosemary: an evergreen aromatic shrub of the mint family, native to southern Europe. The narrow leaves are used as a culinary herb, in perfumery, and as an emblem of remembrance.


	3. Chapter 3

It took a while for Rodimus’ spark to calm down, a klik for him to compose himself and finally; he made his way to the bridge.

He could still feel his processor thruming, memory of seeing Trailcutter ‘alive’ and not the decimated mess that he had become. It was a small relief to the speedster as he tried to ignore the jolt of pain in his helm and entered the bridge as quietly as possible. 

Unfortunately, he met the optics of Thunderclash before making his way over to a monitor and made himself  _ very _ busy. So busy, in fact, Blunderclash would hopefully not bother him. 

And Rodimus was reminded why he very much disliked working the bridge. 

One, Magnus wasn’t here to berate him for being the slightest bit late. The other was he didn’t catch the slight glare Megatron used to give him when he had to ask when and where the reports were when Rodimus barely even took a step onto the bridge.

It was just Thunderclash giving him a bright ‘good day-cycle, Rodimus!’, and the crew barely paying any attention besides the occasional helm lifting up to give him a nod. 

Thankfully it seemed the Captain was too busy as well, giving the speedster some peace instead of trying to strike up a conversation.

Sighing a bit, Rodimus focused some of his attention on what was displayed on the monitor and focused the remaining on his recent dream.

First off, why was Rosemary so desperate to get him to go on a quest in the first place? He knew it had to partially do with the fact that he was facing a bit of what the humans called ‘Cabin fever’. But the dreams were far too real, seeing as some of them had Rosemary talking about certain events. And the Necroworld was the final nail in the coffin.

Rodimus didn’t particularly care to think about what had transpired on the planet, but…

Lips twitching into a frown, Rodimus held in a sigh and let his processor sit ideally for a few kliks. He was thankful that bridge time didn’t require a lot of thinking, honestly. 

Optics flickering over the screen, he tried not to jolt when a message appeared on his hud, Rodimus opened it without hesitation. After all, it was probably Cygnus sending him a few memes so that he didn’t totally go processor dead while on shift.

But it seemed the speedsters luck wasn’t in his favor this time.

Rodimus had to stop himself from jolting when he scanned the message, his optics giving a small flash when he saw the sender.

_ Drift. _

Rodimus held in a breath, before reading the message.

_ Rodimus, _

_ Ratchet and I had a great time on our visit to the Crystal Gardens, but I think Ratty had more fun _

_ at the oil spring than he let on. And while he did say the garden was a close second to the _

_ one that had been in Praxus, we both enjoyed our stay.  _

_ Still, I wished you could have seen it. The garnet formation reminded me of you quite a bit, and I think you would have liked the tigers-eye twisting into it, even if Ratty said you _

_ would have made a canon-ball into the spring.  _

Rodimus found himself smiling, before looking around a bit to make sure no one was paying attention to him, before returning to the message.

_ But enough about the trip, how have you been on the Vis Vitalis? _

_ Ratchet had commed Thunderclash about you, and he did say you were...a little stand-offish _

_ still. Which is understandable, seeing as it is hard getting used to a new ship. But that had _

_ been a while ago, so I hope you’ve made a few friends since then. I knew Velocity is on board, _

_ But she said she hasn’t seen optic or spoiler of you since you got on board.  _

_ Ratchet told me he’d drag you forcibly to our clinic once you reach planet-side, so try not to run. _

_ I can’t wait to see you again, Roddy. _

_ Drift. _

Rodimus paused. 

_ ‘Once you reach planet-side’ _ ? 

Just as he was thinking over those words, Rodimus jolted when a servo landed on his shoulder.

Quickly turning his helm, Rodimus gave a sheepish grin when he found Thunderclash peering down at him. Fighting back a snap, the speedster fixed his grin a bit and turned to face the other. “Whats up, Thunders? Got something to say to me?” Rodimus inquired. “Rodimus, I was just going to tell you we are going to reach Cybertron soon.” Thunderclash evenly said, but the smile trying to worm it’s way onto his lips wasn’t easy to dissuade. 

“Any reason we’re going, not that I’m complaining.” Rodimus said, optics brightening a bit. “Weren’t we supposed to be heading to the Anery galaxy to help out with something?” Thunderclash nodded at that. “Yes, we were. But I was made notice of by Velocity that we’re low on a few things on the ship, and Cybertron is the closest planet.” 

Rodimus nodded, hiding a grimace that wanted to come out. 

Really, he didn't mind going to Cybertron, his home-planet; it was just...it hadn't felt like it was home in a long time. He knew a few mechs' that felt the same, Thundercracker and Skywarp, all the 'bots still on Earth and other planets. Still, Rodimus sucked it up and put on a cheeky grin. "Well, at least I'll be able to see a few friends, Primus knows how long I've seen them!" He said, faux cheer in his voice that was enough for Thunderclash to give him a clap on the back and go on his merry way. 

Ugh.

Don't get Rodimus wrong, he was flattered Drift had sent him a message after he had left the conjunxs' in the static after they mentioned wanting to bring him into their relationship. Really, it was a nice thought but... Rodimus didn't feel ready for a relationship. A small voice screamed at him 'commitment issues', and that probably wasn't far from the truth. 

Relationships were full of expectations, and even if Drift had been through a lot with Rodimus, and Ratchet had gotten soft, not too soft, with him; it didn't feel...right. Intruding in on a relationship where he wasn't sure where he stood with either. 

Sighing, the speedster returned to his monitor and stifled his thoughts until his shift was over, then maybe, just maybe, he might…talk about it with someone. 

* * *

* * *

Ok, so maybe Rodimus might have been lying. 

To himself, definitely to himself. 

Because now he was regretting bringing up the topic of relationships to Cygnus because the nitro-leopard was giving him a long look that would make him break out into a cold sweat if he could.

With a swish of his tail, Cygnus broke the stare and gave a withered sigh. "Rod, just because I took one psychology class doesn't make me some kinda psychiatrist, ya know." He started, quickly holding up a servo before the speedster could interject. "But as your friend, you really need to talk this out with the mechs' pursuing you. They obviously care more about you than your flaws, and by the sound of it they probably got some of their own, too." 

Rodimus gave a small pout, turning his focus on the vidscreen playing. Cygnus rolled his optics in return. 

"Seriously. And I'm stuff baffled that you'd come to me about relationship advice. To a mechs' who's aromantic, no less." Cygnus snorted, streaching out his legs a bit with a chuff. 

"You usually have good ideas." Rodimus quietly replied, crossing his arms against his chassis. 

"Yeah, I guess. And my advice to you is, talk to them. Either over comm. or in the metal. I'm sure you'll feel worlds better after getting it off your chassis. Now hush, I wanna know how Stacy's gonna take the news of Todd's secret sparkling." Rodimus gave a small laugh at the felines slight obsession with As The Kitchen Sinks. For an aromantic, the nitro-leopard was a little into other relationships. Fictional ones, that is.

It was probably the drawn out drama of it all, if Rodimus were to take a guess.

As he leaned his helm onto Cygnus’ shoulder, the speedster held back a sigh and let his optics flicker down. It was solid advice what Cyg had told him, but talking wasn’t always Rodimus’ forte. OK, it was, but not about feelings. And he felt something for both Drift and Ratchet, complicated feelings, feelings that made his chassis hurt. 

And he wasn’t sure if he needed that on top of everything else he had been feeling lately.

“Hey, Cyg.” The feline-former made a small murp noise in response. “Thanks.” Cygnus smiled, leaning his helm down to brush the top of Rods’ helm. “You’re welcome. Still, I think you should talk to someone more qualified with relationships, though. But I’m still glad I could help a little.” With that, the two lapsed back into silence, the vid-screen playing and a steady purr slowing down Rodimus’ processor until he felt himself slip into recharge.

* * *

* * *

“I’ll do it.” was the first thing that came out of Rodimus’ lips when Rosemary came into view.

The glowey mech seemed to pause, before the speedster got the impression that he was smiling softly at him. “You continue to surprise me, Rodimus.” Rosemary started, a teacup in his servo. He took a delicate sip from it as Rodimus watched him almost tensely.

After a few moments, Rodimus broke the silence with a groan. 

“Well, where can I find you? Or at least give me a teeny tiny hint?” Rodimus said, voice strained as Rosemary simply gave a small laugh. Then he hummed under his breath, setting his cup down and lacing his digits together. “I suppose I could give you a hint, seeing as you have nothing to go off of.” Rodimus breathed a sigh of relief at that, leaning a bit out of his seat.

Rosemarys’ smile grew again.

“Get onto the Lost Light, and go to the room where you found the Matrixies. I’m sure you’ll find something to aid you there.” the glowing mech stated, before leaning back in his chair.

Rodimus was quiet for a moment, lips parted, before slowly closing them and licking his lips. “You do know Prowl is guarding it, right? And most of the guard on Cybertron?” he finally said, raising an optical-ridge. Rosemary laughed. 

“And I remember a certain young mech who had no problem breaking into places for the good of his people. I’m sure this Prowl or his guard are going to be of no problem to you.” Rosemary countered. Rodimus was quiet at that, before a bright smirk rose onto his lips. “Didn’t know an avatar of Primus could be so devious. But I’ll do it, Rosie.” With that, Rodimus leaned forward a touch more and took a glowing servo in his own. “Cause you’re right about doing crazy things for my people. And if what I’m not missing what you’re hinting at, you definitely fall into that category.” 

Rosemary went totally still at that, before relaxing into the others touch.

“Thank you, Captain.” he said, and Rodimus could catch the faintest glimpse of the mechs’ appearance, more orange and the blue centered on his chest before the light became blinding once more. “I. Thank you.” He repeated, tightly grasping the speedsters servo in his like a lifeline. Rodimus gave a boyish grin at that.

“Think nothing of it, Rosie.” 


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Ok, we won’t tell Prowl or anyone about this...on one condition.” Drift said as Ratchet suddenly gave him a very betrayed look. 
> 
> Rodimus raised a brow at that. “What is it?” He asked, almost willing to do anything at this point. 
> 
> “You let us help you sneak onto the Lost Light.” Drift said, voice growing mischievous. Rodimus nodded, a broad smile growing on his lips. 
> 
> “Deal.”

Cybertron was no different than when he had left it. Still ruled by Starscream, (And surprisingly Wheeljack of all mechs at his side), still strangely enough prospering and stranger still, still alive and no one was killing anyone else. 

Rodimus knew he should give credit when it was due, but it left no small amount of a bitter taste in his mouth to congratulate the seeker on a job well-done. Shaking his helm, the speedster stepped down from the Vis Vitalis and looked about. He didn’t know if Drift and Ratchet were going to be meeting him directly at the ship, but he still decided to stay by it until he got a comm. from either of them. But thankfully enough he didn’t have to wait too long. Rodimus heard someone shout his name. Looking about, Rodimus felt his mouth go dry when he saw Ratchet coming up to him, a smile on his face. The medic looked more well-rested than he ever did on the Lost Light, frame looking brighter as he walked up to the speedster.   
“Good to see you’re not falling apart, kid.” Ratchet greeted, voice fond as he placed a servo on Rodimus’ shoulder.   
Rodimus smirked at that, leaning into the touch. “Oh come’on, old mech, you know I’m an eternal flame. It’s gonna take more than poor frame-care to slow me down. Not that I haven’t been taking care of my frame, that is.” Rodimus quickly reassured when he saw Ratchet slightly glowered at him. “I’ll be the judge of that, seeing as you’ve been skipping maintenance with Velocity. And a wash’n’wax isn’t enough to cover those dents, Rodimus.” Flustering a bit under the medics’ stare, Rodimus let out a small snort and broke Ratchet’s hold on him by stepping back a bit. 

“Well, we better not keep Drift waiting. How have you two been with the clinic, by the way?” Rodimus took the lead, wishing he had missed that confused look Ratchet had given him before he caught up to the speedsters’ pace. 

“We’ve been good. The clinic is the same as always, and you were right that Drift and I needed to get away for a bit.” ‘I just wish you had come with us’ was left unspoken as the two fell into a similar pace beside one another. “How have you been on Thunderclashs’ ship? You don’t message us much.” Rodimus knew a jab when he heard one, but he was good at deflecting those. Just ask Magnus.  
“Well, I made a few friends among the crew. Drift would definitely get along with Cygnus, with all those religious vibes and such.” Rodimus said, voice even as he gave Ratchet a wink. “And my shifts have been keeping me up late, so please don’t sic Velo on me. She has her servos full with Thunders’ enough as it is.” Ratchet rolled his optics to the sky at that, crossing his arms. “Ok, full maintenance once we get to the clinic. Primus knows what's crawling in your chassis since the last time I saw you.” Ratchet groused, but there was that fond lit to his voice that had the speedster melt a bit.  
The two made small talk until they reached the clinic, Drift almost bursting out to greet them with a pout on his lips.   
His appearance alone made Rodimus do a double take, a blue flush creeping at the top of his finials. “Hey, Driftwood. Been a while.” Rodimus managed to get out all the same, patting himself on the back for keeping his cool. Especially when those optics zeroed in on him. Drift smiled brightly, optics so bright it almost reminded him of Rosemary. “Roddy.” Drift breathed out, cycling his optics before Ratchet quickly stepped aside and suddenly Rodimus found himself under his best friend with a loud thud. “It’s good to see you!” Drift said, arms squeezing around the others speedsters’ middle.   
Rodimus hugged him back just as tightly, even if his spoiler was smarting.   
Getting to their pedes was a small task, but when he still found himself with that goofy grin on his face even when Drift helped tug him up. 

“How’ve you been, Rodimus? It feels like a few years since I last saw you.” Drift said as the three headed inside, Ratchet closing the door behind them and the three heading up the the flat above the clinic. 

“I’ve been good. Saving planets and all that jazz.” Rodimus ideally said as he looked around a bit. Nothing much had changed, except for a few new crystals and a picture by the vid-screen. “So I take it the vacation was totally something you guys needed.” He said as he took a seat on the couch. Drift nodded as Ratchet took a seat next to Rodimus, the white speedster going into the kitchen to fetch something. “I wish you would have come with us, though. I’m sure Thunderclash would have understood.” Drift said. Rodimus hid a flinch at that, smile going tight.   
“Yeah...but I had stuff to do. Still, it felt like I was there when I read your message.” He said, searching his processor to say something else, but just lamely thanked Drift when he was handed a cube.   
As Drift took a seat on the other side of him, Rodimus felt an itching in his plating and felt a servo on his leg. Which had been jiggling in place. Frag.  
Ratchet was sharing a look with Drift, an unheard conversation, but Rodimus was the one who felt like he had to cut to the chase before it got out of servo.   
“I don’t think I’m going to be staying here long.” He started, servos clasped in front of him. “And before you say anything, it's nothing either of you have done or did.” Rodimus quickly clarified when Ratchet opened his mouth.

“And I’m not going back to the Vis Vitalis either. There’s something I have to do. Alone.” 

Drift raised a brow at that. “Do alone? This better not be something self-sacrificing, Roddy.” The white speedster said. Ratchet, on the other servo, looking a little peeved. “Alone? You better not be thinking of doing anything stupid.” Ratchet huffed, taking his servo from Rodimus’ knee. Rodimus weakly chuckled at that, spoiler flicking up and down a bit.   
“Well, it’s more like a rescue mission. And it might be a bit risky, but...its for a crew member.” Drift gave him a confused look. “On the Vis Vitalis?” He questioned. “No, no. On the Lost Light.” Both Ratchet and Drift were quiet at that, before the latter let out a groan.   
“You better not say what I think you’re about to say.” Ratchet mumbled. Rodimus winced at that. “I’m...goingtosneakontotheLostlightandgrabsomethingfromit!” Rodimus said in a rush, but the look on both Drift and Ratchets’ face-plates said it all.  
“You’re....going to do what.” Drift blankly said, as Ratchet sighed.   
“Sneak...onto the Lost Light.” Rodimus clarified. 

Drift suddenly looked very much his age, and Ratchet pinched his chevron.

“You do know Prowl can and will have you arrested if he even sees you near the ship. It’s been in flight-lock ever since you left. Ever since Megatron died.” Ratchet slowly said, raising a brow. “Yeah...so please don’t tell him. It’s super important that I do this.” Rodimus said, voice cracking a bit at the end. The two beside him were very quiet, before Drift spoke.  
“Whirl didn’t put you up to this, did he? I know he’s in jail, but I wouldn’t pu-” “No! Just a friend. I can’t remember their name right now, but they need my help.” Rodimus said.  
Ratchet grumbled about how much of a bleeding spark Rodimus could be sometimes, while Drift sighed.   
“Ok, we won’t tell Prowl or anyone about this...on one condition.” Drift said as Ratchet suddenly gave him a very betrayed look. 

Rodimus raised a brow at that. “What is it?” He asked, almost willing to do anything at this point. 

“You let us help you sneak onto the Lost Light.” Drift said, voice growing mischievous. Rodimus nodded, a broad smile growing on his lips. 

“Deal.” 

__________________________________  
__________________________________

Despite the small fight Ratchet had put up, the medic was the one to offer to distract Prowl. “He won’t think anything of it if it’s just me. I’ve been needing to get him in for maintenance as well.” Ratchet had said, giving Rodimus the stink-optic that said the speedster was going to be getting the same thing once all of this was said and done. 

The three departed when the sun was nearly setting, mostly because it was likely only Prowl and Ultra Magnus, and among those few who were damned with the night shift, would be there.  
While Ratchet went off to bother Prowl, Drift and Rodimus snuck and hid behind crates as they made their way to the Lost Light.  
“Doesn’t this remind you of our time in the Wreckers?” Rodimus huffed as Drift pulled him up onto a crate. Drift snorted. “You mean when we stole Impactors’ high-grade and he tried to hunt us for sport? How could I forget?” The swordsmech said as it got a small laugh out of the red-speedster. “Yeah, and we hid out in the vents for two weeks until Kup talked him down. Man, that was great.” Rodimus replied, smirking as Drift rolled his optics much like Ratchet. “For you, maybe.” Drift whispered, before pointing ahead.   
Rodimus bit the inside of his cheek to stop another laugh short when he caught sight of his ship. 

The Lost Light.

It hadn’t changed at all, the paint could use a touch up, but it looked like it really hadn’t been touched since a few years ago. As much as it hurt to see the poor girl looking like this, Rodimus was here on a mission. 

Quietly rushing to the ship, the two tip-toed past the defiantly sleeping guards and eased their way into the opening of the ship. And just like that, it was like whiplash. Memories filled Rodimus’ thoughts, some of them painful, some of them beautiful. He had to stop his optics from sparking up, but he was sure Drift had noticed as he felt a hand on his waist tug him down a hallway. “Do you think anyones’ guarding the inside?” Drift mumbled.   
Rodimus nodded, taking the others servo in his and taking him down another hallway. “That just means we need to work fast. You remember that room where we found all of those Matrixes?” He asked the other, to which Drift nodded. “We need to go there. Ro- My friend said there was something I would need to find them in there.”   
Saying no more, Drift pulled Rodimus behind a wall as they heard pedesteps go by.   
“Who do you need to find anyways? Who’s Ro?” Drift quietly inquired, as they ducked out and silently went to the direction of the room. “I’ll tell you and Ratch’ later. There it is.”   
The two entered the room as quickly as they could, Drift being the lookout as Rodimus scanned the room. He didn’t have to look long until he saw it. 

A Matrix?

Rodimus parted his lips, looking at the Matrix sitting in a chair in front of him, a model ship sitting on the arm-rest. 

“Roddy, I hear someone coming. You find anything?” Drift hissed. “Y-Yeah. Let’s go.” Rodimus whispered back, grabbing the ancient artifact and winced when it sparked a bit and settled. Patting Drifts’ shoulder, the two made a chastity escape with thankfully no encounters of the guards. Letting out a sigh, Rodimus winced again as he felt the Matrix pulse in his grip.   
“Rodimus...is that the Matrix you’re holding?” Drift slowly said as the two came to a halt outside the building Ratchet was still in. “I..yeah. I’ll tell you more later, promise. Now where’s Ratch?” Rodimus mumbled, looking towards the doorway.   
The two didn’t have to wait long until the medic came out, almost stumbling a bit. Drift hurried to Ratchet’s side, worry deep in his optics as he grasped the other my his shoulders. “Ratchet, are you ok?” Drift asked, optics a bit frantic as Rodimus came up beside them. Ratchet worked his jaw, a small unsettled look in his optics until he shook his helm. “I shouldn’t be bothered by interfacing, but I guess seeing Magnus do that to Prowl would unsettle anyone.” The medic huffed. “Not Magnus, but Prowl’s face. You’d think he was being murdered by the sounds and faces he makes…” Rodimus screwed up his own face at that, Matrix forgotten by that imagery. Drift was much the same, but it was better covered with a cough.   
“But never mind that, why do you have a Martix, Rodimus?” Ratchet quickly recovered as the three got away from the official building as fast as they could. 

The walk home wasn’t much, but Rodimus wasn’t in the right helmspace to be doing a lot of that.

The Matrix was pulsing softly in his arms, a gentle thing that had the speedsters processor go funny and full of fluff until Drift lightly pulled him into the clinic and up the stairs.  
“Ok, start explaining.” Ratchet spoke, arms crossed. Rodimus almost didn’t hear him even as Drift helped sit him down onto the couch. “OK.’ The red speedster breathed out, and began his story as he set the artifact in his lap.   
He told them about the dreams, the Necroworld, Rosemary, seeing all the people who (he had failed) had died. The couple were quiet throughout the whole thing, only Ratchet to ask for more clarification a few times.   
“And that’s it. I’m not sure what to do with this old thing, but I need to find Rosemary no matter what.” Rodimus concluded, servos messing with the ‘old thing’ in his lap. He waited for Ratchet and Drift to say anything, tell him that he wasn’t crazy and he needed to lie down or something.   
Ratchet was the first to speak after a moment of silence.  
“So what you’re saying is an avatar of Primus is sending you on this convoluted-” “Ratty.” Drift started. “Let me finish. This convoluted quest to save him? Why can’t he do it himself? He’s an avatar...of Primus!” Ratchet finished. Even to Rodimus it sounded silly.

“I dunno, he says people don’t remember him. And I know..I dunno what I know, I just have to save him, Ratch! It's a deep feeling in my spark that says that I have to.” Rodimus concluded. The medic huffed, as Drift let out a sigh. “On your own? Even if this Rosemary wants you to do this, do you have to do it alone?” Drift said, his optics having that worried look again.   
Rodimus nodded.   
“Yeah. And don’t try to worm your way into this. I love the both of you too much to let either of you get hurt.” Drift flinched back as if struck, finials slanted back as Rachet’s plating ruffled a bit. “So you don’t think we care if you get hurt, that's what you’re saying.” Ratchet hissed, getting up leaning up from the wall he was on. Rodimus set the Matrix aside before standing as well.   
“You know that’s not what I meant.” Rodimus said. “Oh? Well it sure did sound like it. I don’t think you should go just because an, an avatar of Primus told you to!” Ratchet groused, lips pulled into a deep frown. Rodimus held in a breath, a little bit surprised that Drift hadn’t scolded the medic with a look.   
He guessed this was one of the things they agreed on. Making sure Rodimus doesn’t go and get himself hurt. 

Rodimus knew he should have felt a little bit happy by that, but not with this. He needed to do this. “I know you guys don’t want me to go, or think this is a terrible idea and that I might not walk away from this.” He began, holding up a servo when Drift parted his lips. “I haven’t felt right after the Lost Light. At first I thought it could be I wasn’t doing enough, saving enough people or whatnot. Or maybe I just missed the crew I thought was my family, a family and then everyone parted ways and didn’t reach out to one another.” A hitch in his breath. “I know it’s a stupid thing to think, but being left behind, it hurt. But I don’t blame the others for their happy endings. Everyone deserves to be happy, but I can’t if there’s one more person I’ve failed. One more person I’ve lost, and now that I have a chance to find them…” Rodimus looked the two in the optics. “Like hell am I just going to abandon him when he came to me for help. I’m going to find Rosemary because they were a part of our family, even if no one remembers him.”   
The three stayed silent as Rodimus fell back onto the sofa, bringing the Matrix close to his chassis.  
“You never told me.” Drift said, voice barely there as he looked at the other speedster. “Rodimus, if you’d asked you could have stayed with Ratchet and I.” The white speedster looked towards the medic, who had come over to sit next to Rodimus. 

Rodimus shook his helm. 

“It would have felt nice, but you two didn’t need me back then. You guys were still working over your own relationship, I would have messed it up.” Ratchet huffed at that, slowly wrapping an arm around the others waist, but continued when Rodimus leaned into his touch.   
“But we aren’t now.” Ratchet said. “But putting yourself on a quest of self-retribution isn’t going to solve anything, What happened on the Lost Light was never your fault, especially Overlord, or Tyrest, or even the Djd. I’m pretty sure it was the combination of everyones’ bad luck combined, honestly.” Rodimus felt his lips try to twitch up at that.  
“And yes, while some things you did did lead up to some of those things, it’s not all your fault. All the death.”   
Drift settled on the other side of Rodimus, optics dimmed a bit.   
“And this better not be about sending me away after Overlord.” The swordsmech said in a serious tone. “The people needed someone to blame, and even now I know they needed you instead of me. And in the long run I think it turned out pretty ok in the end. We came back, after all.”   
Silence once more, but it was lighter than last time.

Rodimus could feel that Drift and Ratchet were more than likely having a private comm. chat about this, about him. But he looked down at the Matrix, it happily buzzing so close to his chassis. It felt like it was hugging him.   
He was jolted out of his trance when he felt someone cup the side of his face. Looking up, he saw Ratchet looking more than a little put out and Drift smiling softly at him. "But if you need to do this alone, for yourself, I think I have something for you." Drift said, in that voice where he was barely trying to hold a secret in. It made Rodimus' spark leap in his chassis.  
Only a little weary, Rodimus nodded tentatively.   
Urging him to get up, Drift took Rodimus' servo in his own, only to flinch back. 

Hissing, Rodimus stumbled back as well, optics going a blinding blue as the Matrix trembled in his grasp.

Ratchet was on his pedes in a second, asking him something that he couldn't hear. A sharp ringing had filled his audials, forcing Rodimus take another step back.

'You found me. Thank you.'

Then there was white. Blue and white. The feeling of floating, a warm embrace, the feeling of an everlasting love. A kiss to his temple and a wall being erected around him. Arms holding him close. It was so warm, like the meteors he rode on.   
Rodimus sighed as he let the arms hold him, whispers filling his frame, flowing around him as if their meaning would be made more clear.   
'Thank you.' The voice sounded like Rosemary's almost, but he only saw the mech in his sleep and was he sleeping right now? Rodimus couldn't remember how he got to this safe place, but he felt like he needed to. "They're waiting, Rodimus." The voice was urging, pulling away and setting him down onto something cold. He felt servos all around him until he only felt two pairs, frantic. Worried. 

"Wake up."


End file.
